What it takes to love yourself.

Thought Experiment (Use your imagination)

For a moment, exist in a vacuum – separate from the things that bind you to this world.

Close your eyes.

Imagine yourself sitting or laying down in a dark void with nothing. No walls or floor or furniture; just you in the third person. Stripped of stimuli and the industrialized context you aim to transcend.

All this person can see is black – nothingness.

This version of you is stuck in the abyss and is subject to eternal isolation.

Zoom in and zoom out. Toggle your view. Look down at yourself as if you are some higher power.

You can talk to this person and they will listen carefully.

Perhaps the best way to cope with this dark isolated condition is to teach the puny human to love themselves. And to do what’s best for survival.

He or she has nothing material in this scenario. At the core, they are optimistic (trending upward with positive affirmations) or pessimistic: consciously or unconsciously pushing for their own (along with the collective) demise.

Assuming that you do wish to exist on Earth and not some fairytale wonderland hell, you may see a great upside in being hopeful and valuing yourself highly. Control what you can, but – in the vacuum – see yourself as a creature that can be molded more easily with care and positive self-talk.

Even with nothing, you channel God by controlling your life and appreciating existence. Fortifying yourself and not accepting bullsh*t hurled at you is key. This self-respect and maturity come from a place of loving yourself and seeing yourself as a capable virtuous person.

Aspire to channel authority over your being.

These aspirations will likely emerge when you’re alone, maybe in a dark room somewhere, thinking about your life.

Try not to glamorize your fall or turn your misery into a self-loathing loop. Work on seeing and feeling the good. As humans, we do a better job of identifying what we dislike rather than understanding what we like. Thus, focusing on tragedy and getting caught in its storm can be natural. But over time, we can learn to stop these negative spirals before they begin.

Directing your actions should sound like a football coach’s tactical pep talk, not like some babysitter telling you that “everything will be alright beautiful sheltered child.” Be tough on yourself in the most constructive way possible. Avoid hatred and self-deprecation. Give yourself space to feel without falling off the edge.

Self-deprecating humor is so so so redundant; if your goal is to be funny, find a novel way of producing laughter. Fix yourself – don’t turn into the court jester. Being a clown sets you back through destructive habits and the normalization of mediocrity.

Zero possessions. Zero desires. Zero push and pull with external systems. Nothing immediate to grab. No verbal recipe to digest.

You are alone more than you’d like to admit.

Just a will to live, some time to think, and an empty space to occupy is what you’re given.

What can keep this creature alive but compassion for the self, the body, and the spirit?

Further, how can we detach from the status and money games that rot our existence?

Define a better purpose – more human, less institutionalized.

A purpose tied to the strength and creativity of your independent mind, not the words lifelessly written (with Google docs) on some employment contract, term sheet, or record deal.

A strong purpose is sustained by an individual who accepts themselves in the driver’s seat. One who puts faith, love, and trust in the entity guiding life’s trajectory.

Some call it God; others see themselves in that all-encompassing position. Either view is fine.

There is no one coming to save you.

Don’t cry about it.

You don’t need some industry to validate your employability, a stranger to repeatedly lift your ego, or your mother to serve another homecooked meal (of say, delicious pasta). And you certainly do not require the ideology of “intellectuals” who are in the business of selling solutions.

You – rid of stimuli and human affairs – are a character (instructed by your higher self to become) enthralled by your own company. You have yourself to entertain, love, and control. In flow, you may finally surrender to some needless state. You blossom and feel unnecessary needs go away as you gradually find that self-love is a large chunk of life’s necessary battle/journey.

We conquer ourselves and the parts of life that can be possessed. We find beauty in the process of new discovery. We stumble into these revelations quietly and through inward thinking.

Peeling back layers, I find a lot of beauty in being my own best friend. I love the young man in the mirror, but I’m starting to realize when to tell him to shut the f*ck up or redirect his negative thought patterns.

It takes some courage to direct myself toward what needs to be said/done vs. what I’d like to do. But I care about my future self as well, so my decisions have been better lately.

Could self-love be a corny yet simplified way of expressing self-actualization? Let’s reverse this real quick:

Can I become my destined self – content with the arrangement of internal and external circumstances – without enjoying being me?

It’s difficult to imagine a scenario where you finally reach some peaceful plateau (needless state) all while despising your looks, features, voice, hair, makeup, occupation, or beliefs.

There will always be internal voices bugging you if these insecurities persist.

Overcoming these voices should be one of the first real mental challenges you face. Solving this puzzle and keeping the pieces together will help you indefinitely.

It is the process of letting go – disposing of self-limiting critique – that unlocks a clear path forward. The path of least resistance toward self-mastery requires comfort in your own skin.

Be comfortable within yourself because you’re bound to face discomfort externally.

Realize that the self-limiting complex must die before magic unfolds.

This process isn’t a race. It takes time.

Expressing gratitude toward you and your internal functions will give you an advantage in places where the majority lack acceptance of themselves. It gives you an extra shield in battle and a trusted companion in moments of solitude.

It will provide opportunities to show people your purest self.

You will be known for being vulnerable in a secure and compassionate way – not through the self-pity “please tell me what I want to hear” kind of way.

Learn to feed yourself the right data. This information – taken from experience – should enrich your understanding of the world and help you develop and maintain a positive construction of your identity.

Tip: don’t spend ALL of your time with people who obsess over their looks and become miserable upon comparison or not-so-kind words. Insecure mentalities can be contagious when you’re still in the process of finding, constructing, and stabilizing yourself.

Give others time to find themselves as well; everyone is blossoming at their own pace given the perspective they have access to.

Tip: do spend MORE of your time with people who are comfortable/secure with themselves and do not need anything from anybody for validation.

Wisdom is realized when you break free from all the noise – society, loud neighbors, draining jobs – and feel secure in this construction of identity.

Have less reliance on outside forces. Be the source of your own peace.

Explore your interests through others who also follow this path.

Feel free to let things go.

We suffer as we build ourselves, but the pain, mistakes, and universal knowledge acquired are all necessary for a stable structure.

Sh*t happens in life = data

Miracles = data

You = a data-index alchemist capable of loving yourself while marching forward despite the amount of sh*t that continuously happens.

Through real-life experiences, we acquire the data necessary for survival.

The cost of not loving yourself is just too high.

More expensive than the jewels we buy or the friends we part ways with.

People will walk all over you before you muster the courage to claim your own space and play a part in some collective.

You are your own company. Alone yet immersed in the character you’ve created.

Retreat into yourself, wandering around your mind’s intricate terrain. There – inside you – is a path of free-flowing love hiding. This path doesn’t reveal itself upon command, nor does it welcome those filled with rage.

Release tension before searching.

You will eventually realize that you have no choice but to search and find a specific strain of love deep in your being that is exclusively directed at yourself. This love (or gratitude if you don’t want to be dramatic) is a superpower; don’t be ashamed of claiming it.

Be present and appreciate yourself. Detach from all contexts and respect the miracle machine you exhibit – somehow existing and capable of experiencing a great life. Play your role and don’t let others rid you of it.

Detach and look inward for answers that can help you externally. Words alone won’t mold your underlying fabric.

Use introspection to unlock new doors by removing mental junk. Think about the behaviors and thoughts holding you back.

Humans tend to think that adding new things will make us happy and more secure. Like the recent AI startup founder who suddenly wants a supercar or the teenage girl who suddenly wants a boyfriend to make her feel less boredom.

In reality, removing items and your reliance on future objects is what pushes one forward. Remove the weight and see yourself appreciate the remaining parts. Or…first learn to love the integral pieces of your identity and then remove the people, desires, and situations dragging you down.

The goal is to be lighter and ascend. Be more in tune with the self and less lost among the ever-expanding options and forever-starving opportunists. See why you do what you do and cut out the most mentally draining channels.

Love yourself and do not let idiots f*ck with you.

Stand on your own two feet – whether in an eternal dark chamber or in a crowded space.

As always, I wish you the best in life and hope this journal (stream of consciousness) was relatable or insightful. Drop your email below, so we can stay in touch and keep exchanging valuable information.

Give my new Seŏul Odyssey EP a listen!